Here’s where we answer what you ask, in video format. We grab clusters of questions, group them into themes and get back to you with our thoughts, recommendations, and any relevant research that can help answer your questions.
If you could ask us one thing that might inspire you or your partner to live more positively or to raise a child who is kinder, happier and more grateful, what would it be? See if you can fit it in to 150 words and ask it in a way that could help others as well. If you have kids, remember to let us know their ages, as each age & stage is so different! Use the form below to submit your question. Browse past questions from our readers to see if anyone else is dealing with similar issues.
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Hi Doctor Fs, I am starting to worry that although my kids have learned to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, I’m afraid they are not actually being respectful and grateful and appreciative. How do you ensure they truly appreciate things as opposed to just being a robot and saying the right words? How can I tell ‘why’ they are saying ‘thank you’???
Your help will be greatly appreciated!!!
Much thanks,
Ingrid
Hey Dr. Ferrari and Dr. Fry,
We’re hoping you can help us.
Our youngest seems to be taking the need for attention to a whole next level in comparison to his older siblings. He is just 5 years old and last year our oldest son seemed to be struggling more in school with requiring a lot of attention (both in his classroom with his teacher and with homework; he also had a hard time with friends sometimes at recess, especially when playing team sports). Now our 5-year-old is demanding almost all of our attention and it is utterly exhausting! He needs us for everything. Honestly, he is constantly by one of our sides, he has no problem asking for help or ordering us to do something — but he cannot be independent at all! We are really worried he is not strong and feeling secure enough to be able to do things on his own. Even at night, it is an exhausting super long process until he is eventually sleeping and we can then get to everything else we still need to do before the next day. The other boys are already comfortable being on their own a bit, whereas he is requiring way more attention than either of them did at his age. One of the worst parts is that because of his serious demands on our attention we are noticing more problems with our other kids acting out and talking back to us. We are getting pretty worried about what kind of direction our family is going in…. We both work full-time jobs and were managing a family with 3 kids between age 5 and 10 which is way hard enough. We’re basically looking for any insight into why he might be acting like this and how we can support him, while still attending to the needs of the rest of our kiddos.
Thank you!
– L + S
I have three children: a son who is 15, a daughter who is 13, and another who is 6 1/2. We are currently In family therapy.
My daughter is 13 and my husband and I have behavioral issues with her. She has always had a strong and vibrant personality but the type where if you tell her to go left, she’s going right!!
I have a mental illness and I have certainly passed those negative habits on to her. She is my no means spoiled, she simply lacks coping skills and it comes out through anger and frustration and verbal attacks on those around her.
I do carry the guilt because I have suffered with the same pain my whole life. I see the pain in her eyes and know how hard it is to control those emotions.
That being said, we cannot condone these fits, throwing of things, and verbal disrespect to everyone.
Here’s the problem. We have had a rule that they do not get a cell phone until age 13. My daughter turned 13 on July 20. She has yet to receive the phone because her behavior has been totally unacceptable and her grades had declined in her last semester.
Here’s the dilemma. My husband (and our therapist) think that she should be given the phone and it can be used as “leverage” to improve her behavior.
I believe the very opposite. As a former Elementary Ed teacher, I take a different approach on discipline. I feel that Lindsay should be given time to show us that she can get her emotions and behavior under control. I thought a tally chart for negative and positive behavior will help her self monitor her behavior, accept consequences and try to develop better coping skills and respect for us–not because she knows she’s getting a phone, but because it is about her character and the long term lessons that I think mean a lot more.
When I continue to be disrespected to my face, I cannot fathom why I would then hand over a phone and say, “Don’t do that again”, when we know she will. According to my husband and therapist, when she behaves that way, the phone gets taken away.
What happened to PROVING to us that she has made a true effort to improve her behavior and get her feelings under control? When is she getting the practice to understand the WHY she needs to change and that a phone isn’t the reason.
Please help!!!!